You Can’t Spell Paintball Without PAIN

So I’m invited paintballing for a friend’s birthday, and while I consider myself a pretty well reconstructed man – it’s ages since I last bled on a kebab shop floor – nothing fills me with joy like the prospect of inflicting epidermal trauma upon my mates. I think it’s probably delusions of proficiency induced by too many FPS games (like that paintball one James blogged about) that make me want to don a boiler suit and prostrate myself in a field, and once I’m there, something even stranger happens, and all other priorities fall second to expending the maximum of physical and fiscal effort in an effort to cover people I usually have nothing but affection for in paint, bruises and shame.

Knowing how easily enthusiasm turns to merciless bloodlust, I was somewhat perturbed to be told that my friend is planning to hire a [expletive deleted] tank. A paintball panzer, to be precise.

So in the best traditions of one-upmanship, I was hoping you could tell your friends about this blog, so we make some money, and I can buy one of these:

Or perhaps that you could all pray very hard to Robot Jesus and maybe he’ll get me one of these:

A chaingun and a Spartan APC should do the trick… On the other hand, the steampunk in me wants something I could wield in a darkened labyrinth – more along the lines of this basement built cannon:

Tags: basement camo gatling gun paintball paintball cannon petit filous pipe cannon rich geeks obsessed with paintballing steampunk tank