There’s a lot more of this guy’s rather great photography over here at his Deviant Art page, but since it’s gloriously NSFW, I won’t post it in the gallery – just go check it out when your boss isn’t looking over your shoulder.

So she apparently runs her own construction firm. I don’t think I can fit this in with my world view. Imagine the confusion of the poor plumbers – they’re genetically programmed to wolf-whistle at the least palatable of passing crumpets, and then this uber fox walks in with a hard hat on and starts telling him how to ply his pipe-wrench… Honestly, there’d be silicone sealant all over the place!

The blank look you’re giving me is probably due to the fact that you didn’t grow up in the UK during the 1980′s, and have no idea who Berk is, or of the whereabouts of my dinner, OR what Globbits are. This may go some way to rectifying this lacuna in your knowledge.

Right. So Now you should be over the joke, and fully prepared to play a little adventure game. You have to use your imagination a bit, but there are some nice touches – good banter in the item shop, some good bosses and little in jokes. Here it is… the epic D&D adventure that is Monsters Den. There’s no facility for deleting old save games, so if you want to start a new campaign, keep a slot free.

Cue perverse level design, runtime flaws, millions of hours of young lives wasted and a whole raft of profanity.

Clear Vision puts you behind the lens of yet another high powered gun, popping the heads of the subjectively naughty. I’ve never been one of the alarmists who think that violence in movies and sex on TV are ruining the minds of the nation, but there does seem to be an inordinate amount of self righteous stick-figure glee collected around consequence-free death. Are we so pent up that this kind of hedonism is a release for us? Time for a jog around the block…

Anyway, the game’s pretty good – it’s a slowly animated card-battle game; don’t pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ve noticed you looking wistfully at the Live Action Roleplay messageboards, you don’t need to pretend to me… At least with this you can be nerdy all by yourself and no-one else ever needs to know. It can be our little secret. Just like the dodgy embed frame. Shhhhh.

Ping little bouncy flames around a series of levels, setting fire to torches and picking up bonuses. Ususally I’d try and put this in a frame so we get ad impressions, but since you need to see what you’re doing, and I’m nice, I’m going to let you have it full-screen. Don’t say I never give you nuffink.

Clickez Ici Pour Saute Le Boules De Feu

Once we begin to move away from this clamorous demand for hydrocarbons, we won’t be pumping poisonous gas into the atmosphere at such a horrible rate, and there won’t be so much fuss about who’s in control of certain patches of land (although the Sahara might become a hotly contested source of Solar energy collection), and we’ll all get to drive lovely cars like this lot. Given the phenomenal rates of efficiency that you get from an electric motor these days (the fastest of them gets the equivalent of 170 mpg)  and the comparative costs of the same amount of energy out of the wall-socket and the petrol pump, I’m quite looking forward to it. Here are some of the front-runners in the upcoming generation of battery powered vehicles.

Wrightspeed X1

This is a track-day racer being developed in California; if the lines look familiar, it’s because they are using the chassis from the Ariel Atom. This is matched up to a motor that evolves 150kW (about 205hp) to give it a 0-60 time of 3.07 seconds, and a 0-100 of 6.87 seconds. The power of an electric motor is available almost equally throughout the rev range, so full acceleration is always on tap with a press of the right foot. It’s not in production yet, unfortunately.

Electric Lightning GT

A very slinky looking GT coupe from British company Lightning. Boasting 700bhp and a 0-60 time of 4 seconds, the only thing to choose between this little number and an Aston Martin would seem to be the limited range of the battery. I rather imagine gliding the GT silently up to the lights next to a banker in his GT3 might raise some eyebrows. Expect to see the great and the good climbing out of these at movie premieres soon.

Tesla Model S

TechCrunch reporting in the above link, on the decidedly real-world, very much in production Tesla S. If you’re an American, you can put your name down to spend $50,000 on what is very soon going to be Hollywood’s hottest ride. It has the official endorsement that comes with being test-driven by the Governator, and lends the lie to the bleating demands for money that are coming from the rest of the embattled American car industry, having just sold out the company’s entire production capacity for their first year.

Mercedes Electric S-Class

If these upstart manufacturer are not for you, and you want the reassurance of a marque you can rely on, then a little patience might see you able to buy a battery powered S-Class. They’re testing it at the moment, and have it’s range up to the 120 mile mark, another few years research will see charge times falling and power to weight ratios grow enough for Merc to make a practically useful car; look at the phenomenal rate of development of mobile phone batteries once they came into common use.

Tata Indica Vista EV

If you’re short on either patience or cash, and prepared to abandon any illusions of glamour, you may prefer to look to Indian manufacturer Tata to sell you your new ride. They’re the guys who bought Mercede’s old bodywork machinery off them, and used it to build the first incarnation of their TL pickup truck.  Their native indian market is rather different to the one in the West, and they’ve been innovating without shame, this battery powered incarnation of their little saloon, and the RS, a one Lakh (10,000) rupee car, on the market now for £1,300.

GoinGreen G-Wiz

The G-Wiz is a ridiculous looking little thing, but it’s becoming more and more popular for a reason; it’s a really convenient, sensible option as a town car. The size of a smart car, two reasonably sized human beings can get into it with a load of Tesco bags, and you can plug it into a 13 amp socket. As long as you don’t intend to travel long distances, it’s perfect, and in town you can park 3 of them in a normal parking space. I will say that the only time I’ve ever had my hands on one was trying to push it off Shepherd’s Bush roundabout where it had broken down, but this is undoubtedly an unrepresentative experience.

Tamiya – Nissan Electric GTR

Now we’re talking! In full production now, using proven technology, and for sale at a mere £107.50, this racer is within everybody’s budget. Obviously it’s only 1/10th scale, but it’s still great fun to drive.

The Visitor

Slimy brainworm like the one that crawled into Bones’ ear on the Wrath of Khan lands in a pond – eats everything it sees.

Foreign Creature

Furry skinshifter like a tiny ginger version of Mystique from X-Men turns up in a cage at an animal research lab – kills everything it sees.

!!Wait… Wait…. CLICK!!

Of course your parents wouldn’t understand it, and would wonder why you couldn’t just put electric eels down your pants and see who could hang from their nostrils the longest, like they used to in the good old days. Theirs is a country where waterboarding is considered an amusing pastime and televised for the amusement of the masses. Bless their little silken kimonos.

–> Anyway – here’s a fun game for you to play <–

I’ve just looked at our stats, and the most played game this month so far has been…. Aquarium Scoop Hotshot.

Aquarium Scoop Hotshot.

Really? Is that what you want? I gave you Gamma Bros. and this is how you repay me? Did you hear the soundtrack? Did you see the glorious 8 bit graphics and the parralax scrolling – that game is a masterpiece of the flash developers art and you’re playing aquarium f***ing scoop hotshot? This is about the Majesty Of Colours again, isn’t it!!!1!11! I was going to post a game for you, but I’m not sure you deserve it now…

Well – OK. Gosh darn it, I just can’t stay mad at you. Just know that before you start whining about it, in 1993 I actually went down to the corner shop and spent actual money on this game. You guys honestly don’t know how good you have it. Zool is a pixelly platformer with annyoing music that someone lovingly coded, line by painful line, probably in basic or something. There were no modules, no physics engines to plug into your game production back then, it was men with beards in Leamington Spa, coding basic by day and drinking real ale by night. They were the pioneers of gaming. They were the Elite.

Z!Click here for 90′s home computer action!Z

And if you don’t like that stuff try this for some classic arcade style jollity: Portal Defender I can’t tell you what I’d have paid for a game like this back when I was playing Dizzy on my Amstrad…

Apple

This is both the genius and the downfall of the shuffle for me. It is so incredibly small that you can’t fail to be impressed that they’ve got a little battery, amp, computer and 4 gig drive into this chewing gum sized package, but I have a nano that I usually lose once a week, falling out of my bag, down between the seats  in the car, or dissappearing through a penny sized hole in my trouser pocket (yes, I know I need new jeans). How much worse then if my expensive and fiddly new iPod is smaller than the lid of my pen? A friend of mine bought a MacBook Air, saying that he wanted to save the weight in his travelling case, a point I could almost concede if the weight saving was any more than a pair of socks. Here we’re talking grams of difference between this and a nice big, screen-having, control faced iPod classic, with a battery that’s going to give you much more time between charges.

Probably good if you’re a hardcore jogger, or being launched into space and trying to save weight, otherwise just keep wheeling that phonogram in a pram.